Family Toolkit
Meltdowns and Big Feelings
Practical help for before, during and after emotional overload, with a printable regulation plan and a tracker to spot patterns.
FASD Compass · fasdcompass.co.uk/regulation-toolkit/
Many children with FASD find it hard to manage big feelings. A meltdown is usually a sign that their brain is overloaded, not a choice to misbehave. This toolkit helps you plan for before, during and after difficult moments.
Every episode can be different
The same behaviour can have different causes on different days. Hunger, tiredness, pain, noise, anxiety or a change of plan can all play a part, often together. Use the pattern tracker below to look for clues over time, rather than looking for one single cause. Not every difficulty is caused by FASD. Pain or illness, poor sleep, worry, low mood, past trauma or loss, other conditions such as ADHD or autism, and things happening at school or at home can all play a part. If behaviour changes suddenly, or you are not sure why things are hard, talk to your GP.
Before, During and After
Spot the early signs
Most children show signs before a meltdown. These might include going quiet, getting louder, pacing, fidgeting, refusing, giggling or saying they are bored. Write your child’s signs in their support plan so others can spot them too.
Lower the load
- Check the basics: food, drink, sleep, toilet, pain
- Cut down words and demands
- Warn about changes and use a visual timer
- Offer a break or a movement job
- Move to a quieter space before things build up
Plan for known hard times
Think about the times that often go wrong, such as after school, shopping trips or the end of screen time. Plan a snack, a quiet start or a clear routine for those times.
Practise when calm
Practise calming strategies when your child is calm and happy, so they become familiar. Children with FASD often need lots of repetition before a strategy becomes a habit.
Safety first
Move other children and objects away if needed. Stay close enough to keep everyone safe. If anyone is at serious risk of harm, call 999.
Fewer words
The thinking part of the brain is offline during a meltdown. Speak slowly and softly, and keep your voice lower than theirs. This is not the time to reason, question or talk about consequences.
Calming scripts
- You are safe. I am here.
- Let’s go somewhere quiet.
- Do you want your blanket or some water?
- Breathe with me.
- We can talk later.
Try to avoid
- Asking why they did it
- Saying calm down
- Threats or new punishments
- Lots of eye contact or touch, unless they find it calming
- An audience of other people
Recover
Offer rest, a drink and a snack. Many children are exhausted after a meltdown. Some bounce back very quickly. National FASD notes that a quick reset does not mean they do not care.
Reconnect
Show your child you still love them. A hug, a calm word or simply sitting together helps them feel safe again.
Talk it through later
When everyone is calm, keep it short and simple. Drawing what happened as a simple comic strip can help. Focus on what to do next time, not on blame.
Notice and note
Write down what happened in the pattern tracker below. Over a few weeks you may see patterns, such as a time of day, a place or a type of demand.
Reducing Demands and Stimulation
Lower the demands
- Give one instruction at a time, or none for a while
- Make the task smaller, or help with the first step
- Offer a choice of two, such as “bath or shower?”
- Put non-urgent tasks off until later
- Lower your expectations for a short time, on hard days
Turn down the input
- Turn off the TV, music or radio
- Dim bright lights
- Ask other people to give some space
- Move to a quieter room or outside
- Offer headphones, a blanket or a favourite object
Plan the week
Space out busy events and leave time to recover after them. After school, many children need food, quiet and a break before anything else. Try to make only one change at a time.
Supporting Communication
When things are calm
Teach words for feelings using pictures, colours or a 1 to 5 scale. Practise naming feelings in everyday moments and in stories and TV programmes. Agree a sign or card your child can use to ask for help or a break.
When your child is upset
Use as few words as you can, in a calm, low voice. Offer one simple choice, or show a picture instead of talking. Give time to respond before you say anything else. Avoid asking why it happened.
Helping them tell you
Some children find it easier to talk side by side, such as in the car or on a walk, than face to face. Drawing, writing, a feelings card or a text message can also help. Believe them if they say they do not know why something happened.
Calming Choice Board
Choose the calming options that work for your child and practise them when calm. Print the board and keep it somewhere easy to see.
🛋️Quiet corner
🎧Music or headphones
🧸Favourite toy
🫧Slow breathing
💧Drink of water
🚶Walk with an adult
🤲Squeeze or fidget toy
🛏️Weighted or heavy blanket
🔢Count to 10
🌙Lights down low
🎨Drawing or colouring
🤗A big hug, if wanted
When I need to calm down
I can choose
🛋️Quiet corner
🎧Music or headphones
🧸Favourite toy
🫧Slow breathing
💧Drink of water
🚶Walk with an adult
🤲Squeeze or fidget toy
🛏️Heavy blanket
🔢Count to 10
🌙Lights down low
🎨Drawing
🤗A hug
Possible Triggers
Things that can build up
- Body: hunger, thirst, tiredness, pain, illness, needing the toilet
- Senses: noise, bright light, smells, crowds, clothing
- Thinking: tasks that are too hard, too many instructions, not understanding what is happening
- Change: a new place, a new adult, a change of plan, moving between activities
- Feelings: worry, feeling blamed, feeling left out, excitement
Look at the whole day
A small thing can be the last straw after a long, demanding day. School days often lead to big feelings at home, because children may hold things together at school and let go when they feel safe.
Pattern Tracker
🔒 Entries are saved in this browser only. Nothing is sent anywhere. Print the diary to share it with your GP, school or assessment team.
| Date | Where | Just before | Possible triggers | What helped | How long |
|---|
Reviewing After an Episode
When everyone is calm, often the next day, take a few minutes to think back. Do this with another adult if you can. Keep any talk with your child short, kind and free of blame.
- What was happening in the hour before? Had the day been busy or demanding?
- Were the basics met: food, drink, sleep, toilet, and feeling well?
- What were the first signs, and when did they start?
- What helped, even a little? What seemed to make things worse?
- Could anything else be going on, such as pain, worry, a problem at school or a change at home?
- Is there one thing we could change or try next time?
My Regulation Support Plan
🔒 Your answers stay on this device. Nothing is sent anywhere. Share the finished plan with family, school, clubs or respite carers, so everyone responds in the same way.
✏️ Click on any text to change it. Then download, print or save it on this device.
When to Get More Help
Talk to your GP if
- meltdowns are getting more frequent or more severe
- your child is hurting themselves or others
- there is a sudden change in behaviour, sleep or mood
- you are worried they may be in pain or unwell
Support for you
Meltdowns are exhausting for parents too. The National FASD helpline (0208 458 5951) offers advice, and Contact’s helpline (0808 808 3555) supports families of disabled children. In an emergency, call 999. For urgent advice, call NHS 111.
📚 Based on National FASD parenting tips and FASD-informed practice. Every child is different. Talk to professionals who know your child.
Sources: National FASD parenting tips: nationalfasd.org.uk
Last reviewed: November 2026 by Dr Inyang Takon, Consultant Neurodevelopmental Paediatrician. For information only. This page does not replace advice from your own doctor.